Joke of the Week! "Future Botanist"

Sorry it was late. But you can stop crying now!

A Sunday school teacher was talking to her class about plants and how some plants go with different holidays.
"The pumpkin goes with Thanksgiving, the Christmas tree goes with Christmas, and can someone tell me what plant goes with Easter?"
One six year old raised his hand and said "Egg plant".

"Gods of the Copy Book Headings" by Rudyard Kipling

Here is another one of my favorite pomes.

As I pass through my incarnations in every age and race,
I make my proper prostrations to the Gods of the Market Place.
Peering through reverent fingers I watch them flourish and fall,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings, I notice, outlast them all.

We were living in trees when they met us. They showed us each in turn
That Water would certainly wet us, as Fire would certainly burn:
But we found them lacking in Uplift, Vision and Breadth of Mind,
So we left them to teach the Gorillas while we followed the March of Mankind.

We moved as the Spirit listed. They never altered their pace,
Being neither cloud nor wind-borne like the Gods of the Market Place,
But they always caught up with our progress, and presently word would come
That a tribe had been wiped off its ice field, or the lights had gone out in Rome.

With the Hopes that our World is built on they were utterly out of touch,
They denied that the Moon was Stilton; they denied she was even Dutch;
They denied that Wishes were Horses; they denied that a Pig had Wings;
So we worshipped the Gods of the Market Who promised these beautiful things.

When the Cambrian measures were forming, they promised perpetual peace.
They swore, if we gave them our weapons, that the wars of the tribes would cease.
But when we disarmed they sold us and delivered us bound to our foe,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "Stick to the Devil you know."

On the first Feminine Sandstones we were promised the Fuller Life
(Which started by loving our neighbor and ended by loving his wife)
Till our women had no more children and the men lost reason and faith,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "The Wages of Sin is Death."

In the Carboniferous Epoch we were promised abundance for all,
by robbing selected Peter to pay for collective Paul;
but, though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,
and the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "If you don't work you die."

Then the Gods of the Market tumbled, and their smooth-tongued wizards withdrew
And the hearts of the meanest were humbled and began to believe it was true
That All is not Gold that Glitters, and Two and Two make Four
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings limped up to explain it once more.

As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man
there are only four things certain since Social Progress began.
That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wobbling back to the Fire;

And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins
When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,
As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,
The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return!

Joke of the Week! "The Weather Board"

Sorry this one is late. I know you're sad.
But don't be sad any more because Matt's Joke of the Week is BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

A man was driving through a town when he saw a sign on the side of the road with a rope hanging from it.
The sign was entitled: The Weather Board.
It stated this: rope wet - raining, rope easy to see - sunny, rope swinging - windy, rope hard to see - foggy, rope white - snowing, rope missing - thief in town





Hope you like it.
If you do, please leave a comment, because I love comments!

A day in the life of............ME!

I got this idea from a boy that does a blog called "Colin for the Clan". You should check it out, it's a really cool blog!
Anyway, he gave me this idea to tell you about my everyday life!
I get up at about 7:00 and do my morning chores, which include letting out the ducks and chickens. Then sometimes I go for a walk so I can have some quiet time with God before I start off my day.
At about 8:00 I come in and eat breakfast, make my bed, put away things that might be out in my room.
At about 8:30 my mom and I do a devotion and then I start my school. First my mom and I do reading. Then I do grammar, math, science and Latin. That keeps me busy until about 12:00. Then we have lunch (the best part of the day).
After that, I have some scout stuff that I need to do, which takes me about 1 hour. Then I have afternoon chores like taking out the trash, putting wood on the porch, collecting eggs. Then I have free time. Mostly I run around and play army or something or I do a wood working project. If it's raining I play Lego's or play a game with Holly (my sister) or play the piano!
At 7:00 the ducks and chickens are ready to go in.
Then at about 7:30 we have a family movie that we watch.
At about 8:30 I go up to bed and read or I work on a book I am writing.
At about 9:30 I turn out my light and listen to some music on my MP3 player, and at about 10:30 I fall asleep.

I am glad God gave me the life I have. I learn a lot about responsibility every day!
Leave a comment about your day!

In-duck-structible: The Duck That Wouldn't Die!!!!

Back in 05 my dad had an idea of getting ducks during the rainy season. "Fun" I thought and it was fun. We thought that they would only live for a year or two. That's where we were wrong! I won't give you the whole history lesson about my ducks because you will be here until your next birthday, so I will tell you the short version. Get out your math brain! We started with 6 ducks, lost 2, gained 2, lost 3. We are now at 3 ducks. I love math! (if you look on the side bar, there is a picture of them)

One of my ducks, Chip, who is 6 years old, has a knack for getting hurt.(the one on the top in the picture) He has been hit in the back of the head with rocks, golf balls, sticks and who knows what else. We has had part of his foot chomped off by a snapping turtle,  he stepped on a nail, and twisted his ankle. Have you ever seen a duck limp?
Anyway, last week I went out to put my ducks to bed and found that Chip had been attacked by a fox, but for some reason the fox didn't do in the duck, drag it off and eat it. My mom said not to go into details because it was kinda yucky! At one point I didn't think that he had any eyes!(No more details, don't worry, you can eat your lunch now, if you still want to!) But he is still alive and back to normal. He still has his eyes! This duck is indestructible! He may be a wacked out duck, but he sure has some kind of immune system!

It's hard trying to take a picture of a duck that won't sit still!

"Dude, Like Get this Like Thing Like Out Of My Like Face!"

I think that this duck could go on the list of things that would survive a nuke blast, along with Twinkies, ding-dongs and cockroaches!

Joke of the Week! "Sticker Shock"

If you were wondering if I come up with all the jokes I put on here, I don't! Most of them I get out of "Country" magazine, like this one!
This week's joke is a good one I think!

An unethical car dealer had taken advantage  of several people in the community. He called a local rancher about coming over to buy a bull. When he arrived, the rancher handed him the bill:

• Basic bull: $499.99
• Extra stomachs: $79.99
• 2-ton exterior: $124.99
• Heavy-duty straw chomper: $189.99
• High-output drain system: $149.99
• Automatic flyswatter: $88.99
• Genuine bullhide upholstery: $179.99
• Deluxe dual horns: 59.99
• Automatic fertilizer attachment: $339.99
• 4x4 traction drive assembly: $884.99
• Pre-delivery wash and detailing: $69.99
• Destination charge: $395.99
• Tax, license and title: $63.99

The bill came to $3,128.87
This gave the dealer a new appreciation for the term "sticker shock"

Hope you like it!

So, Just What Can Fit In An Altoids Can?

Altoids Can

One thing that I like to do is make Survival Kits to take with me on hikes, bike rides, campouts and any other adventure that I might have. One thing that I found works good to use for a survival kit is Altoids cans. They're small, light weight, and, believe or not, they can hold a lot of things!

Here is the list of things that I put in my Altoids can survival kit!

• A book of matches
• A small pocket Bible
• A pencil
• Two chicken bullion cubes
• Fishing line, hooks and sinkers
• A roll of Cap Gun caps
• Three Band-Aids
• A paper clip
• A sugar packet
• A piece of paper
• Four saftey pins
• A rubber band
• A cardboard fire starter
• A razer blade
• 10 dollars
• Wire
• Twine
• A 12"x14" sheet of tin foil
• and three 6" peices of Duck Tape

My survival kit taken apart

That is a lot of stuff to put in an Altoids Can, but it all fits!



My survival kit put back together

 It can be a lot of fun putting together a survival kit!
Have any ideas? I would love to hear them!
Leave a comment! I Love Comments!

Joke of the Week! "Water and Fire"

Oh Boy! It's Matt's JOKE!
Sometime, someone will stuff a sock in my mouth so I can't tell any more jokes!

A forgetful couple goes on a vacation to Alaska. As they are boarding their plane the wife says to her husband "I forgot to turn off the gas before we left! The house will burn down!"
"No it won't!" the husband reassured "Because I left the bathtub running!"


Please Leave A COMMENT!!!!!!! :)

Maple Dream

Every year our church has a spaghetti dinner with a men's dessert contest! This year I decided to enter a dessert called "Maple Dream" (photos below)

Anyway, to make a very long story short, I entered my dessert, which has 3 cups of pure New Hampshire maple syrup in it, and ended up winning Best Tasting.

So that is the end of my short, long story! Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go brush my teeth!

Sights, Sounds, Smells and Songs of SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are some pictures that I took of the area around our house now that all the snow is almost gone!
Of course, you can only get the sights of spring on a camra. You will just need to use your imagination for the rest!